Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
