his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
