Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
