Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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