Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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