I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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