We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
zippers are such a cool invention
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
