hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
