Umm I'm too high to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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