I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
