Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
