i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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