he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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