: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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