I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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