Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
