i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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