shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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