Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
