Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize