Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
