when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize