you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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