just come out here and I will go home with you...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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