I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
