Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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