How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
