I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
