Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
