Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
