May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
