i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
