he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
