brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
