i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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