she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
