also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
