Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
