Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
