You just made me feel so damn special
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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