I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
