i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
