Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
