Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
