Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
