dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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