she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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