I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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