I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
