the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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