I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
not ubering you a puppy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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