It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
