My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
