Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
