Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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