Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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