god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
