you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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