I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
