My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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