Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
