There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
