just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
