I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
