I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
