drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you never un-have a 4some
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
